The triumph of hope over fear

My story part 2 January 9, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — tulayswords @ 12:29 am
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After a couple of years of being lost and not really knowing what to do with my life, I wrongly developed the belief that life is one big chore.


I thought, well since that is the case, why don’t I secure myself a good financial future doing one of the most responsible and grown-up jobs ever – teaching!


I applied to Teacher training and got in.  I found that being a teacher was nothing like being a Teaching Assistant.  It’s sad but true: teachers are so overworked that they never have time for themselves, are under pressure from all fronts, are often worried about a million different things that they don’t have the time or the luxury of enjoying the children’s company.


And kids are precious little creatures (they can be little devils too, depending on the day but that is never a problem if you truly love children) – to me it seemed pointless that if I couldn’t interact with the children in a light-hearted and inspiring way then there was no point in continuing with my training.


Besides, I felt it a terrible waste that schools in general don’t foster the 8 intelligences equally.  They nurture linguistic and mathematical intelligences above all others!  Just in case you didn’t know, the 8 intelligences are spatial, linguistic, mathematical (logical), kinaesthetic (bodily), musical, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic.


We know that some of the most successful people in the world aren’t necessarily intelligent in a conventional way.  Darcy Bussell, the great English ballerina is said to have been extremely hyper and distracted at school, which are symptoms of kinaesthetic intelligence.  Worried, her mother took her to the doctor, only to be told that Darcy wasn’t sick or disordered at all; she was a dancer!


I didn’t want to be the person who pigeon-holed children into different classifications using my grading, assessments and judgement.  I didn’t want to be the one producing a factory line of identical people ready to fulfil whatever economic roles society had created for them.  I didn’t want to take the joy out of children’s lives and enforce conformity on them.


And then it dawned upon me that I was once one of these children and that as an adult I was fulfilling the role that society had made for me.  Yikes! That’s when I made my swift exit.  Thank goodness I did that, there are some people who trudge on till the end while hating every minute of it and all they have to show for it are trauma, mental illness or physical symptoms like extreme fatigue.


I realized that life is too short to not be doing what I truly desired – the stuff that dreams are made of.  I want more out of my life than waking up everyday to a job I’m indifferent to because after a while that indifference turns into boredom, then frustration, then contempt.  Who honestly wants to be thinking ‘is this all there is to life?’


Or to be unaware of the importance of this only to wake up one day in your late forties thinking your whole life has been wasted because you no longer get satisfaction from earning good money from something that takes all you have and gives back very little in comparison?


Right now I am blissfully unemployed.  My life is full of uncertainty, there are a couple of projects on the pipeline but things are progressing slowly.  I’m learning to be more patient.


I feel like I have hit rock bottom.  I have quit so many times in the past that I’m now sick and tired of quitting.  I’ve given up all hope of ever being a normal, conventional person who has achieved all 5 milestones of adulthood by 30.  Milestones like getting a degree, moving out, getting married, having kids, owning a home.  And do you know what?  I’m not in a hurry to achieve them either, to be quite frank I’d be happy living like this for the rest of my life.  After all, I get to set the rules for my own life!


What happens when you hit rock bottom and have exhausted every single avenue?  You become creative and think outside the box.  You start doing things in a different way, change your expectations of yourself.  Let yourself go.






And then things start to work out by themselves.  Hopefully 😀



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